Are you like me and process emotions with music? If you are, then I offer you a few playlists that should encapsulate the feelings of both anxious and avoidant types in how they feel:

Pale Shelter (The Anxious Attachment Playlist)

Rocket Man (The Avoidantly Attachment Playlist).

You’ll notice a few things in these two playlists—the first is that the anxious playlist is relationally focused while the avoidant playlist is individually focused. It should give you an idea how each type approaches intention. Avoidants are reaching inward to regulate and it has nothing to do with their anxious partner. Whereas anxiously attached people are reaching outward for regulation and has everything to do with their partner. Neither is ideal, by the way. Moderation is the key, that is security.

The second thing you’ll notice in these playlists is that no one is villainized. Despite being on opposite sides of the relational spectrum, they are equally deep and profound. It’s not as simple as “Cold guy manipulates girlfriend when he distances himself” or “Clingy gal won’t leave boyfriend alone.” They both have feelings, insecurities, fears, and longing. They express them differently, though. And it’s worth noting.